WEBVTT NOTE This file was exported by MacCaption version 7.0.11 to comply with the WebVTT specification dated March 23, 2013. 00:00:00.667 --> 00:00:02.936 align:start line:79% position:44% size:78% male announcer: The following program is sponsored by friends 00:00:02.936 --> 00:00:04.938 align:start line:85% position:44% size:78% of Life Outreach International. 00:00:07.140 --> 00:00:09.776 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% Ryan Leak: Make the decision about the kind of person you 00:00:09.776 --> 00:00:12.813 align:start line:63% position:47% size:53% wanna be before you ever get in the room. 00:00:12.813 --> 00:00:14.348 align:start line:69% position:50% size:75% "I have made a decision today. 00:00:14.348 --> 00:00:15.716 align:start line:63% position:48% size:43% I'm gonna have a great day today." 00:00:15.716 --> 00:00:18.752 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Blynda Lane: Okay, so what do you do when that's the posture 00:00:18.752 --> 00:00:22.589 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% you have, and then you get the really bad phone call from the 00:00:22.589 --> 00:00:25.859 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% doctor, you get the unexpected divorce papers? 00:00:25.859 --> 00:00:31.465 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% How do you then walk out "I've chosen joy" or "I've chosen--" 00:00:31.465 --> 00:00:34.001 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% when life can be really, really hard? 00:00:34.001 --> 00:00:36.003 align:start line:69% position:50% size:41% announcer: Next. 00:00:36.003 --> 00:00:46.013 align:start line:85% position:48% size:18% [music] 00:00:46.013 --> 00:00:53.687 align:start line:85% position:48% size:18% [music] 00:00:53.687 --> 00:00:55.022 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% Randy Robison: Welcome to "Life Today." 00:00:55.022 --> 00:00:56.390 align:start line:69% position:50% size:45% I'm Randy Robison. 00:00:56.390 --> 00:00:58.358 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% Blynda Lane is here, and we're back. 00:00:58.358 --> 00:01:00.694 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% Blynda: Uh-huh, with a second program. 00:01:00.694 --> 00:01:02.029 align:start line:69% position:50% size:65% The first one was so good. 00:01:02.029 --> 00:01:03.397 align:start line:69% position:50% size:56% Randy: It was so good. 00:01:03.397 --> 00:01:04.998 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% And by the way, if you missed any of the "Life Today" 00:01:04.998 --> 00:01:08.302 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% programs, you can see all of those at lifetoday.org. 00:01:08.302 --> 00:01:10.370 align:start line:69% position:47% size:53% We're back with Ryan. 00:01:10.370 --> 00:01:11.705 align:start line:69% position:50% size:45% Blynda: Ryan Leak. 00:01:11.705 --> 00:01:13.073 align:start line:69% position:47% size:63% Ryan: I had to come back. 00:01:13.073 --> 00:01:15.175 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Blynda: We're so glad that you did, because I had so many 00:01:15.175 --> 00:01:16.543 align:start line:69% position:50% size:75% questions from the first show. 00:01:16.543 --> 00:01:18.879 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% Randy: Yes, so the book is "How to Work with Complicated 00:01:18.879 --> 00:01:22.749 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% People," and that's what Blynda's been trying to learn 00:01:22.749 --> 00:01:24.217 align:start line:69% position:50% size:50% for a few weeks now. 00:01:24.217 --> 00:01:27.020 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% Blynda: We really needed you back because, you know, this is 00:01:27.020 --> 00:01:28.722 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% newer, and so we're trying to figure it out. 00:01:28.722 --> 00:01:30.057 align:start line:69% position:47% size:58% Ryan: I'm here for you. 00:01:30.057 --> 00:01:31.425 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% We can do a live session right now. 00:01:31.425 --> 00:01:33.794 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Blynda: No, we decided in the episode that I'm the complicated 00:01:33.794 --> 00:01:36.863 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% one, and I don't think anybody would be surprised to hear that. 00:01:36.863 --> 00:01:38.231 align:start line:63% position:48% size:43% Randy: But we all are a little bit. 00:01:38.231 --> 00:01:39.599 align:start line:69% position:48% size:43% So let's jump in. 00:01:39.599 --> 00:01:41.935 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% So we have some unanswered questions that we'd like to 00:01:41.935 --> 00:01:43.303 align:start line:69% position:48% size:23% get into. 00:01:43.303 --> 00:01:46.606 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% I do wanna ask one thing before we get into the book actually, 00:01:46.606 --> 00:01:49.343 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% because you--what size shoe is that over there? 00:01:49.343 --> 00:01:51.278 align:start line:69% position:50% size:35% Ryan: Size 13. 00:01:51.278 --> 00:01:54.247 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% In case anybody's praying about anything out there, it's a 00:01:54.247 --> 00:01:55.615 align:start line:69% position:50% size:21% size 13. 00:01:55.615 --> 00:01:56.984 align:start line:69% position:50% size:70% Randy: So, how tall are you? 00:01:56.984 --> 00:01:59.686 align:start line:63% position:48% size:43% Ryan: Six-three. Randy: Six-three. 00:01:59.686 --> 00:02:01.621 align:start line:63% position:50% size:56% You look like you could play basketball. 00:02:01.621 --> 00:02:04.725 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% Ryan: I've played a time or two in my life, yeah. 00:02:04.725 --> 00:02:06.093 align:start line:69% position:46% size:68% Randy: How far did you get? 00:02:06.093 --> 00:02:07.427 align:start line:69% position:50% size:61% Ryan: How far did I get? 00:02:07.427 --> 00:02:11.798 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% I played at North Central University, which is--it was 00:02:11.798 --> 00:02:15.102 align:start line:69% position:50% size:65% D-three-ish when I played. 00:02:15.102 --> 00:02:17.604 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% D-three-ish, you know, you've got Division I, Division II, 00:02:17.604 --> 00:02:19.072 align:start line:69% position:48% size:33% Division III. 00:02:19.072 --> 00:02:23.810 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% The Division III status was pending the years that I played. 00:02:23.810 --> 00:02:28.448 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% And so we were in the NCCAA, which stands for National 00:02:28.448 --> 00:02:32.919 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Christian Collegiate Athletics Association, which simply means, 00:02:32.919 --> 00:02:35.555 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% amongst Christians, I am really good at basketball. 00:02:35.555 --> 00:02:39.226 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% So, church league MVP right here, is who I am. 00:02:39.226 --> 00:02:40.560 align:start line:69% position:50% size:65% Randy: But pro experience. 00:02:40.560 --> 00:02:41.895 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% Ryan: But some pro experience, yeah. 00:02:41.895 --> 00:02:43.897 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% Randy: All right, tell us what happened there, because I think 00:02:43.897 --> 00:02:45.232 align:start line:69% position:47% size:58% there's a lesson there. 00:02:45.232 --> 00:02:46.600 align:start line:63% position:47% size:53% Ryan: There's a massive lesson there. 00:02:46.600 --> 00:02:51.304 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% So being all-American at a D-three-ish college, I always 00:02:51.304 --> 00:02:54.674 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% had this dream of being in the NBA, but I had never actually 00:02:54.674 --> 00:02:56.710 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% done anything about it because I thought I would fail. 00:02:56.710 --> 00:02:58.879 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% But then I thought, what's so bad about failure? 00:02:58.879 --> 00:03:01.681 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% Every successful person we know has failed. 00:03:01.681 --> 00:03:03.550 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% In fact, it's made them who they are. 00:03:03.550 --> 00:03:06.620 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% And so, what would it look like for us to embrace the thing 00:03:06.620 --> 00:03:10.023 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% we've been taught to steer away from, and so I started a 00:03:10.023 --> 00:03:12.759 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% documentary called "Chasing Failure" where I asked myself 00:03:12.759 --> 00:03:15.195 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% the question, "What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?" 00:03:15.195 --> 00:03:18.398 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% And my answer to that question was, "I would be in the NBA." 00:03:18.398 --> 00:03:22.369 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% And so I emailed about five NBA teams and said, "Hey, would you 00:03:22.369 --> 00:03:24.671 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% let me come work out for your basketball team?" 00:03:24.671 --> 00:03:28.275 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% And the Celtics said no and I was discouraged by that, but 00:03:28.275 --> 00:03:30.977 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% then I thought that the Boston Celtics just emailed me back, 00:03:30.977 --> 00:03:32.512 align:start line:69% position:48% size:48% this is incredible. 00:03:32.512 --> 00:03:35.849 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% And so I said, "Well, I'm gonna do a documentary about being 00:03:35.849 --> 00:03:40.120 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% told no by all 30 NBA teams, and everyone's gonna feel so bad 00:03:40.120 --> 00:03:41.455 align:start line:69% position:50% size:21% for me." 00:03:41.455 --> 00:03:44.724 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% And so the Phoenix Suns said yes on a Friday and said, "Come 00:03:44.724 --> 00:03:47.561 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% Monday," and I was like, "You mean this Monday?" 00:03:47.561 --> 00:03:49.129 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% They were like, "Yeah, bring your camera crew." 00:03:49.129 --> 00:03:51.565 align:start line:69% position:45% size:73% And I was like, "Camera crew? 00:03:51.565 --> 00:03:53.333 align:start line:63% position:48% size:48% Yes, of course I have a camera crew. 00:03:53.333 --> 00:03:56.336 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% A man of my magnitude of course has a camera crew." 00:03:56.336 --> 00:03:57.771 align:start line:69% position:45% size:73% I did not have a camera crew. 00:03:57.771 --> 00:03:59.973 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% I had a friend from the church named Chuck. 00:03:59.973 --> 00:04:03.110 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% I said, "Hey, man, we gotta go to Phoenix right now, okay?" 00:04:03.110 --> 00:04:04.478 align:start line:69% position:50% size:56% He's like, "For what?" 00:04:04.478 --> 00:04:06.346 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% I said, "I don't have time to explain to you my email 00:04:06.346 --> 00:04:09.349 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% situation, but I think we're gonna have a story to tell." 00:04:09.349 --> 00:04:12.452 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% And I believe something happened in Phoenix that could not have 00:04:12.452 --> 00:04:15.755 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% happened in Dallas and that was the fear of failure was broken 00:04:15.755 --> 00:04:17.224 align:start line:69% position:48% size:38% off of my life. 00:04:17.224 --> 00:04:19.726 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% So I'm not afraid to try something, pitch something. 00:04:19.726 --> 00:04:23.063 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% I'm not afraid to get ghosted or write something, 00:04:23.063 --> 00:04:24.397 align:start line:69% position:48% size:38% post something. 00:04:24.397 --> 00:04:25.765 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% Randy: So you didn't make the team. 00:04:25.765 --> 00:04:27.100 align:start line:69% position:50% size:75% Ryan: I did not make the team. 00:04:27.100 --> 00:04:29.736 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% And chasing failure took me further than chasing success 00:04:29.736 --> 00:04:31.071 align:start line:69% position:48% size:23% ever did. 00:04:31.071 --> 00:04:32.439 align:start line:69% position:48% size:48% It changed my life. 00:04:32.439 --> 00:04:33.773 align:start line:69% position:47% size:58% Blynda: That's amazing. 00:04:33.773 --> 00:04:35.242 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% I used to tell my kids whenever we would face challenging 00:04:35.242 --> 00:04:37.077 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% situations like that, I would say "Don't fear the no." 00:04:37.077 --> 00:04:39.846 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% If you don't fear the no, you might go for more than you ever 00:04:39.846 --> 00:04:41.281 align:start line:69% position:50% size:45% thought you could. 00:04:41.281 --> 00:04:45.418 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% So you say that you actually learned more, grew more from 00:04:45.418 --> 00:04:47.521 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% failure in your life than success. 00:04:47.521 --> 00:04:48.889 align:start line:69% position:50% size:45% Ryan: No question. 00:04:48.889 --> 00:04:51.024 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Randy: And what's interesting is you went into that having made 00:04:51.024 --> 00:04:54.528 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% the decision that failure wasn't going to define you, it wasn't 00:04:54.528 --> 00:04:56.897 align:start line:69% position:50% size:61% gonna make or break you. 00:04:56.897 --> 00:04:58.965 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% And that ties into what we're talking about with the 00:04:58.965 --> 00:05:02.802 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% complicated people book, which is that idea of making some 00:05:02.802 --> 00:05:06.840 align:start line:63% position:50% size:56% decisions before we get to that situation. 00:05:06.840 --> 00:05:09.743 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% So what are some of the decisions that we need to make 00:05:09.743 --> 00:05:12.979 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% to make our relationships work better? 00:05:12.979 --> 00:05:15.916 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Ryan: Yeah, so some people approach relationships, and they 00:05:15.916 --> 00:05:19.586 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% are what I like to call "we'll see" people. 00:05:19.586 --> 00:05:20.921 align:start line:69% position:50% size:25% We'll see. 00:05:20.921 --> 00:05:22.255 align:start line:63% position:48% size:43% How's it gonna go at Thanksgiving? 00:05:22.255 --> 00:05:23.623 align:start line:69% position:50% size:25% We'll see. 00:05:23.623 --> 00:05:25.058 align:start line:63% position:48% size:43% How's the board meeting gonna go? 00:05:25.058 --> 00:05:26.393 align:start line:69% position:50% size:25% We'll see. 00:05:26.393 --> 00:05:28.094 align:start line:69% position:47% size:63% How's the lunch gonna go? 00:05:28.094 --> 00:05:29.462 align:start line:69% position:50% size:25% We'll see. 00:05:29.462 --> 00:05:32.632 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% Well, did you know you can decide beforehand how you are 00:05:32.632 --> 00:05:33.967 align:start line:69% position:48% size:43% going to show up? 00:05:33.967 --> 00:05:38.371 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% Some people surrender their attitude to the circumstance. 00:05:38.371 --> 00:05:41.608 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% Some people surrender their attitude to the economy. 00:05:41.608 --> 00:05:44.644 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% Some people surrender their attitude to whatever they've 00:05:44.644 --> 00:05:47.747 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% scrolled past that particular day. 00:05:47.747 --> 00:05:50.884 align:start line:69% position:44% size:78% I encourage people, pre-decide. 00:05:50.884 --> 00:05:54.921 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Make the decision about the kind of person you wanna be before 00:05:54.921 --> 00:05:56.523 align:start line:69% position:47% size:63% you ever get in the room. 00:05:56.523 --> 00:05:58.024 align:start line:69% position:50% size:75% "I have made a decision today. 00:05:58.024 --> 00:06:00.794 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% I'm gonna have a great day today, with or without you. 00:06:00.794 --> 00:06:02.996 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% Like, if you don't wanna have a good day today, I feel bad 00:06:02.996 --> 00:06:04.331 align:start line:69% position:48% size:23% for you." 00:06:04.331 --> 00:06:06.700 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% Most people are deciding in the moment. 00:06:06.700 --> 00:06:09.002 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% They're deciding in the middle of the fight. 00:06:09.002 --> 00:06:12.105 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% I have made a decision that I'm going to forgive people before 00:06:12.105 --> 00:06:13.840 align:start line:69% position:48% size:33% they hurt me. 00:06:13.840 --> 00:06:15.809 align:start line:69% position:50% size:65% I call it pre-forgiveness. 00:06:15.809 --> 00:06:17.978 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% Most people don't even realize this theologically. 00:06:17.978 --> 00:06:20.113 align:start line:63% position:50% size:56% Did you know we've all been pre-forgiven? 00:06:20.113 --> 00:06:23.116 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Like, there's something you're going to do over the next year 00:06:23.116 --> 00:06:25.051 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% that God has already made up his mind. 00:06:25.051 --> 00:06:27.220 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% "I already know how I'm going to handle this. 00:06:27.220 --> 00:06:31.224 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% I'm going to forgive them before they ever even do it." 00:06:31.224 --> 00:06:34.227 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Imagine what your life and relationships would look like if 00:06:34.227 --> 00:06:37.697 align:start line:69% position:50% size:81% you implemented pre-forgiveness. 00:06:37.697 --> 00:06:40.900 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Hey, I know my spouse is going to forget something, say 00:06:40.900 --> 00:06:44.904 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% something, infer something, break my heart some way, hurt 00:06:44.904 --> 00:06:46.273 align:start line:69% position:50% size:31% my feelings. 00:06:46.273 --> 00:06:47.607 align:start line:69% position:50% size:35% You know what? 00:06:47.607 --> 00:06:50.143 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% I've made a decision that in that moment, I'm 00:06:50.143 --> 00:06:51.478 align:start line:69% position:48% size:43% already prepared. 00:06:51.478 --> 00:06:55.715 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% But if I wait for the moment to decide who I wanna be then, it's 00:06:55.715 --> 00:06:58.752 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% already too late to be who you actually wanna be. 00:06:58.752 --> 00:07:03.857 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% And so, some people believe, "I am a product of my upbringing. 00:07:03.857 --> 00:07:06.993 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% If mama said knock you out, well then, I'm coming out swinging." 00:07:06.993 --> 00:07:09.663 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% Some people believe they are a product of their ZIP code. 00:07:09.663 --> 00:07:11.031 align:start line:69% position:50% size:61% You've met these people. 00:07:11.031 --> 00:07:13.733 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% [gruff voice] "I'm from New York." 00:07:13.733 --> 00:07:15.068 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% You're like, "Why you gotta say it like that?" 00:07:15.068 --> 00:07:16.569 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% God knows there are some very nice people from New York. 00:07:16.569 --> 00:07:17.904 align:start line:69% position:50% size:81% Why you gotta use the DMX voice? 00:07:17.904 --> 00:07:19.239 align:start line:69% position:50% size:61% That's very unnecessary. 00:07:19.239 --> 00:07:22.842 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% But some people believe that their ZIP code is what is going 00:07:22.842 --> 00:07:27.180 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% to determine their future as if they don't have a say or a 00:07:27.180 --> 00:07:28.782 align:start line:69% position:47% size:53% choice in the matter. 00:07:28.782 --> 00:07:31.284 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% So when we hear phrases like "choose joy," some people are 00:07:31.284 --> 00:07:32.652 align:start line:69% position:50% size:61% like, "Ugh, choose joy." 00:07:32.652 --> 00:07:34.087 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% I'm like, "Well, what's the alternative?" 00:07:34.087 --> 00:07:35.488 align:start line:69% position:48% size:33% Choose anger? 00:07:35.488 --> 00:07:37.724 align:start line:69% position:50% size:45% Choose bitterness? 00:07:37.724 --> 00:07:41.261 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Well, if I do get to make a choice, which I believe people 00:07:41.261 --> 00:07:44.497 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% do, yeah, I definitely think you should choose joy. 00:07:44.497 --> 00:07:46.633 align:start line:63% position:50% size:56% That doesn't mean life is always perfect. 00:07:46.633 --> 00:07:49.703 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% It does mean you have chosen a perspective and you have chosen 00:07:49.703 --> 00:07:53.273 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% an attitude that I'm going to bring every single day. 00:07:53.273 --> 00:07:57.377 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% I'll never forget, I was in the Florida, I don't know, Fort 00:07:57.377 --> 00:08:00.413 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Lauderdale Airport, and you know, when you travel, there's 00:08:00.413 --> 00:08:01.981 align:start line:69% position:47% size:58% not great meal options. 00:08:01.981 --> 00:08:06.586 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% And so I got some mediocre chicken tenders and forgot to 00:08:06.586 --> 00:08:07.921 align:start line:69% position:48% size:48% get barbecue sauce. 00:08:07.921 --> 00:08:10.023 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% So I go to the waiter and I say, "Hey, can I get some 00:08:10.023 --> 00:08:11.358 align:start line:69% position:50% size:41% barbecue sauce?" 00:08:11.358 --> 00:08:12.726 align:start line:69% position:44% size:78% He goes, "That'll be 75 cents." 00:08:12.726 --> 00:08:15.462 align:start line:69% position:50% size:41% I said, "Really? 00:08:15.462 --> 00:08:18.131 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% Seventy five cents for some mediocre barbecue sauce 00:08:18.131 --> 00:08:19.666 align:start line:63% position:48% size:48% with these mediocre chicken tenders?" 00:08:19.666 --> 00:08:22.502 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% He's like, "Yeah, 75 cents," and he's trying to make a point. 00:08:22.502 --> 00:08:24.738 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% "So you want me to pull out my credit card so you can swipe it 00:08:24.738 --> 00:08:26.106 align:start line:69% position:50% size:35% for 75 cents?" 00:08:26.106 --> 00:08:27.440 align:start line:69% position:50% size:41% He goes, "Yeah." 00:08:27.440 --> 00:08:29.476 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% I said, "Okay," hand him my credit card. 00:08:29.476 --> 00:08:32.178 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% He swipes it, brings back two slips, merchant copy, 00:08:32.178 --> 00:08:33.513 align:start line:69% position:50% size:35% customer copy. 00:08:33.513 --> 00:08:35.648 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% Now we got a problem, right, because now there's a space for 00:08:35.648 --> 00:08:37.016 align:start line:69% position:50% size:16% a tip. 00:08:37.016 --> 00:08:38.818 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% I'm like, "I'm not tipping this guy off 75 cents." 00:08:38.818 --> 00:08:42.489 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% And then I thought in that moment, "Wait a second, you are 00:08:42.489 --> 00:08:44.824 align:start line:69% position:50% size:35% becoming him." 00:08:44.824 --> 00:08:47.727 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% So I tipped him $10 because I'm balling like that. 00:08:47.727 --> 00:08:52.065 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% No, no, I tipped him $10 because I wanted him to know, you don't 00:08:52.065 --> 00:08:53.500 align:start line:69% position:48% size:48% get to ruin my day. 00:08:53.500 --> 00:08:54.834 align:start line:63% position:50% size:41% I'm gonna have a great day today. 00:08:54.834 --> 00:08:56.302 align:start line:69% position:47% size:63% I don't match the energy. 00:08:56.302 --> 00:08:57.704 align:start line:69% position:48% size:48% I set the standard. 00:08:57.704 --> 00:08:59.539 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% And then all of a sudden he wanted to bring me like these 00:08:59.539 --> 00:09:01.941 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% premium chicken tenders, his whole tune's changed, you know 00:09:01.941 --> 00:09:03.276 align:start line:69% position:50% size:31% what I mean? 00:09:03.276 --> 00:09:06.513 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% And so, I just think that we have the ability to impact other 00:09:06.513 --> 00:09:08.715 align:start line:69% position:47% size:63% people with our attitude. 00:09:08.715 --> 00:09:13.420 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% In fact, in our research, we wanted to figure out what makes 00:09:13.420 --> 00:09:17.123 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% somebody complicated to live with, work with, be around, 00:09:17.123 --> 00:09:18.525 align:start line:69% position:48% size:33% or enjoyable. 00:09:18.525 --> 00:09:22.128 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% We thought politics would be the number-one thing that determined 00:09:22.128 --> 00:09:24.297 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% whether or not somebody was complicated or not. 00:09:24.297 --> 00:09:25.865 align:start line:63% position:50% size:41% It was dead last in our research. 00:09:25.865 --> 00:09:27.200 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% Blynda: Interesting. Randy: Really? 00:09:27.200 --> 00:09:28.568 align:start line:69% position:50% size:41% Ryan: Dead last. 00:09:28.568 --> 00:09:30.303 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% Then we thought, oh, it's personality, introvert, 00:09:30.303 --> 00:09:31.871 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% extrovert, "I don't really like this person." 00:09:31.871 --> 00:09:34.007 align:start line:69% position:47% size:58% That was third to last. 00:09:34.007 --> 00:09:35.608 align:start line:69% position:50% size:75% You wanna know the number one? 00:09:35.608 --> 00:09:37.710 align:start line:69% position:48% size:23% Attitude. 00:09:37.710 --> 00:09:41.381 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Attitude was the number-one descriptor of what made somebody 00:09:41.381 --> 00:09:43.983 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% complicated or enjoyable to be around. 00:09:43.983 --> 00:09:46.085 align:start line:69% position:45% size:73% Randy: What kind of attitude? 00:09:46.085 --> 00:09:47.821 align:start line:63% position:50% size:56% Because attitude isn't always a good thing. 00:09:47.821 --> 00:09:50.390 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% Ryan: No, just--I know, but that's the point. 00:09:50.390 --> 00:09:53.426 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% But the ability to choose, like if a person's perspective and 00:09:53.426 --> 00:09:56.262 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% the way that they show up of just going, my attitude towards 00:09:56.262 --> 00:09:59.532 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% you, my attitude towards this project, is what determines 00:09:59.532 --> 00:10:02.235 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% whether or not I actually wanna be around you. 00:10:02.235 --> 00:10:05.438 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% Blynda: Okay, so the question I have is, I'm thinking about you 00:10:05.438 --> 00:10:07.073 align:start line:63% position:48% size:48% talking about being predetermined. 00:10:07.073 --> 00:10:10.643 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% So, today I'm predetermining nothing's gonna get me down. 00:10:10.643 --> 00:10:14.547 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% I'm expecting even possibly for there to be some bumps in 00:10:14.547 --> 00:10:15.915 align:start line:69% position:48% size:23% the road. 00:10:15.915 --> 00:10:18.284 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% But what is the actual tools to use? 00:10:18.284 --> 00:10:22.722 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% What do you do when that's the posture you have, and then you 00:10:22.722 --> 00:10:26.125 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% get the really bad phone call from the doctor, you get the 00:10:26.125 --> 00:10:28.795 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% unexpected divorce papers at your door? 00:10:28.795 --> 00:10:32.398 align:start line:63% position:48% size:48% The things that are so earth-crashing. 00:10:32.398 --> 00:10:33.733 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% Ryan: Hit you like a ton of bricks. 00:10:33.733 --> 00:10:39.606 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% Blynda: Yes, how do you then walk out "I've chosen joy" or 00:10:39.606 --> 00:10:43.543 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% "I've chosen--" when life can be really, really hard? 00:10:43.543 --> 00:10:48.448 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% Ryan: Yeah, life can life really, really fast, and can 00:10:48.448 --> 00:10:50.049 align:start line:69% position:48% size:43% take a hard turn. 00:10:50.049 --> 00:10:53.820 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% You know, whenever you have something that I would consider 00:10:53.820 --> 00:10:59.492 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% a catastrophe, something that truly knocks you off your 00:10:59.492 --> 00:11:04.097 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% rocker, I think there is something powerful about truly 00:11:04.097 --> 00:11:07.033 align:start line:69% position:50% size:56% grieving what is lost. 00:11:07.033 --> 00:11:11.437 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% And I don't actually believe that grieving is the opposite of 00:11:11.437 --> 00:11:13.273 align:start line:69% position:46% size:68% having a positive attitude. 00:11:13.273 --> 00:11:15.742 align:start line:63% position:50% size:56% I think grieving is being honest about it. 00:11:15.742 --> 00:11:19.445 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% One of my friends just lost his father suddenly from a stroke. 00:11:19.445 --> 00:11:22.815 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% Do I think he should choose joy in that moment? 00:11:22.815 --> 00:11:24.450 align:start line:69% position:50% size:81% No, and this is what I told him. 00:11:24.450 --> 00:11:27.654 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% I called him and I said, "Hey, we live in a world that's going 00:11:27.654 --> 00:11:31.024 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% to give you rules of how you should feel. 00:11:31.024 --> 00:11:32.392 align:start line:69% position:50% size:35% No rules here. 00:11:32.392 --> 00:11:33.726 align:start line:69% position:48% size:28% Just feel." 00:11:33.726 --> 00:11:36.896 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% If you have joy because you remember the great things about 00:11:36.896 --> 00:11:40.667 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% your father, then it's okay if you do not cry. 00:11:40.667 --> 00:11:42.869 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% Nothing's wrong with you because you didn't cry. 00:11:42.869 --> 00:11:45.905 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% If you bawl like a baby for the next three hours because it is 00:11:45.905 --> 00:11:48.575 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% so sad, because you lost the most important person in your 00:11:48.575 --> 00:11:50.810 align:start line:69% position:46% size:68% life, then that's okay too. 00:11:50.810 --> 00:11:54.047 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% What we're giving people now is safety to be themselves. 00:11:54.047 --> 00:11:57.383 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% And so I don't think that that is a deterrent from his attitude 00:11:57.383 --> 00:12:01.788 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% and outlook on his entire life, but it is a moment to be able to 00:12:01.788 --> 00:12:04.157 align:start line:69% position:46% size:68% say, "Hey, man, like, feel. 00:12:04.157 --> 00:12:06.292 align:start line:69% position:50% size:41% Like, just feel. 00:12:06.292 --> 00:12:07.660 align:start line:69% position:50% size:35% No rules here. 00:12:07.660 --> 00:12:09.963 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% I'm not judging your emotional state." 00:12:09.963 --> 00:12:13.666 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% So if somebody gets a gut punch and gets divorce papers, they 00:12:13.666 --> 00:12:16.569 align:start line:63% position:50% size:56% should not be choosing joy in that moment. 00:12:16.569 --> 00:12:20.607 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% I think that they should be reconciling within themselves, 00:12:20.607 --> 00:12:21.975 align:start line:69% position:50% size:56% "Where did I go wrong? 00:12:21.975 --> 00:12:23.309 align:start line:69% position:48% size:33% Is this real? 00:12:23.309 --> 00:12:24.644 align:start line:69% position:48% size:28% Is this--?" 00:12:24.644 --> 00:12:26.012 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% Like, there's gonna be a mountain of emotions that a 00:12:26.012 --> 00:12:27.347 align:start line:69% position:44% size:78% person is experiencing in that. 00:12:27.347 --> 00:12:30.216 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% But am I here to say that your life is over because you got 00:12:30.216 --> 00:12:31.551 align:start line:69% position:48% size:38% divorce papers? 00:12:31.551 --> 00:12:33.453 align:start line:69% position:48% size:33% No, it's not. 00:12:33.453 --> 00:12:35.888 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% It doesn't mean you make that decision that day, but it does 00:12:35.888 --> 00:12:40.860 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% mean like, hey, we know lots of divorced people who moved on and 00:12:40.860 --> 00:12:42.795 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% God is still using in a mighty way. 00:12:42.795 --> 00:12:46.199 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% And so no, I don't believe that it's over and it's all sorrow, 00:12:46.199 --> 00:12:50.737 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% but I do believe that there is an overarching mindset that a 00:12:50.737 --> 00:12:53.773 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% person can have that says, "If God has given me breath in my 00:12:53.773 --> 00:12:56.342 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% lungs today, then there's a purpose for that." 00:12:56.342 --> 00:12:58.177 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% I may not always be able to see it. 00:12:58.177 --> 00:13:02.048 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% In fact, most of the time we see it in hindsight we often see 00:13:02.048 --> 00:13:04.784 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% what God is doing when we look back. 00:13:04.784 --> 00:13:09.188 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% But at the same time, I think as Christians, part of our calling 00:13:09.188 --> 00:13:12.091 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% isn't just to meet people where they're at, it's to help them 00:13:12.091 --> 00:13:13.426 align:start line:69% position:48% size:33% move forward. 00:13:13.426 --> 00:13:17.797 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% In fact, the word "encourage" in Greek is the word parakaleo. 00:13:17.797 --> 00:13:21.401 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% Parakaleo does not mean I complement your outfit. 00:13:21.401 --> 00:13:22.769 align:start line:69% position:47% size:53% "Girl, you look good. 00:13:22.769 --> 00:13:24.103 align:start line:69% position:50% size:45% I like your hair." 00:13:24.103 --> 00:13:25.471 align:start line:69% position:50% size:81% No, no, no, that's a compliment. 00:13:25.471 --> 00:13:27.240 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% Parakaleo means to come alongside somebody and call 00:13:27.240 --> 00:13:28.608 align:start line:69% position:48% size:33% them forward. 00:13:28.608 --> 00:13:31.277 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% In other words, I refuse to let you shrink back. 00:13:31.277 --> 00:13:33.913 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% I refuse to let this divorce define you. 00:13:33.913 --> 00:13:36.949 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% I refuse to let this death keep you in your house for the next 00:13:36.949 --> 00:13:40.153 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% year and a half sulking and going, "Man, my life is over." 00:13:40.153 --> 00:13:41.521 align:start line:69% position:50% size:65% No, your life is not over. 00:13:41.521 --> 00:13:44.824 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% I am a person that's going to come in, encourage you. 00:13:44.824 --> 00:13:46.159 align:start line:69% position:45% size:73% Blynda: Put courage into you. 00:13:46.159 --> 00:13:48.995 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Ryan: Put courage in you, come alongside you and say, "Let's 00:13:48.995 --> 00:13:50.963 align:start line:69% position:50% size:45% walk out the door. 00:13:50.963 --> 00:13:52.565 align:start line:69% position:45% size:73% We got a whole life to live." 00:13:52.565 --> 00:13:56.235 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Randy: So you've hit a couple of things here, and I think this is 00:13:56.235 --> 00:14:00.473 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% just an ongoing human condition struggle, because you talk about 00:14:00.473 --> 00:14:03.810 align:start line:63% position:48% size:43% acknowledging the feelings, right? 00:14:03.810 --> 00:14:07.413 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% But yet when you talk about like pre-forgiveness, well, you're 00:14:07.413 --> 00:14:10.883 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% saying, okay, there is a truth here that I'm not going to allow 00:14:10.883 --> 00:14:15.888 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% my feelings, when someone slights me, to dictate my day, 00:14:15.888 --> 00:14:17.857 align:start line:69% position:47% size:63% my attitude, any of that. 00:14:17.857 --> 00:14:22.895 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% So the balance between emotions, which are very real, if we just 00:14:22.895 --> 00:14:26.666 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% say, "Throw them out, they shouldn't exist," you get a real 00:14:26.666 --> 00:14:33.372 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% cold person typically, versus the ones who say, you know, 00:14:33.372 --> 00:14:36.542 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% "It's all about how I feel, and so your truth is your truth, my 00:14:36.542 --> 00:14:38.044 align:start line:69% position:50% size:65% truth is my truth," right? 00:14:38.044 --> 00:14:42.081 align:start line:63% position:47% size:53% That gets squishy and messy just as quick. 00:14:42.081 --> 00:14:47.153 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% So where do you--I don't know, how do you frame the feelings, 00:14:47.153 --> 00:14:52.391 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% the emotions, versus sort of the truth kind of argument? 00:14:52.391 --> 00:14:54.360 align:start line:69% position:44% size:78% Ryan: Yeah, no, great question. 00:14:54.360 --> 00:14:57.463 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% I think there's this interesting balance of being able to have a 00:14:57.463 --> 00:14:59.665 align:start line:63% position:50% size:56% difficult conversation to say, "Hey, you said 00:14:59.665 --> 00:15:01.267 align:start line:69% position:50% size:45% something earlier. 00:15:01.267 --> 00:15:03.469 align:start line:63% position:48% size:48% It really bothered me, but guess what? 00:15:03.469 --> 00:15:06.773 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% I'm not gonna dwell on it for the rest of our relationship. 00:15:06.773 --> 00:15:08.274 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% I'm not gonna hold it against you." 00:15:08.274 --> 00:15:09.609 align:start line:69% position:48% size:48% That's forgiveness. 00:15:09.609 --> 00:15:10.977 align:start line:69% position:50% size:50% I'm honest with you. 00:15:10.977 --> 00:15:13.079 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% I told you that you said something that hurt my feelings. 00:15:13.079 --> 00:15:16.315 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% But I'm also not every time I see you going, "Okay, now I've 00:15:16.315 --> 00:15:19.585 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% painted a picture about you as a person, that you're this mean 00:15:19.585 --> 00:15:20.953 align:start line:69% position:48% size:43% person and I'm--" 00:15:20.953 --> 00:15:22.288 align:start line:69% position:47% size:63% That's called bitterness. 00:15:22.288 --> 00:15:23.656 align:start line:69% position:50% size:61% So there's a difference. 00:15:23.656 --> 00:15:26.125 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% There is a healthy balance of being able to say, "It's a real 00:15:26.125 --> 00:15:29.929 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% emotion that I had that, you know, your remark or in that 00:15:29.929 --> 00:15:32.231 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% email or that text message or that phone call. 00:15:32.231 --> 00:15:36.135 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% I had a story in my head that it came across this way, but I'm 00:15:36.135 --> 00:15:38.871 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% not gonna hold it against you for the rest of your life or 00:15:38.871 --> 00:15:40.206 align:start line:69% position:47% size:53% the rest of my life." 00:15:40.206 --> 00:15:43.109 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% Because a lot of times what people do with bitterness is 00:15:43.109 --> 00:15:47.914 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% they rehearse the tapes over and over and over 00:15:47.914 --> 00:15:52.018 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% and most of the time without inviting the other person into 00:15:52.018 --> 00:15:53.386 align:start line:69% position:48% size:43% the conversation. 00:15:53.386 --> 00:15:55.788 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% In fact, if you said something that offended me today, most 00:15:55.788 --> 00:15:59.125 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% likely I would probably just leave and just go, "I'm never 00:15:59.125 --> 00:16:00.459 align:start line:69% position:48% size:38% gonna tell him. 00:16:00.459 --> 00:16:01.794 align:start line:69% position:50% size:75% No, I'm never gonna tell him." 00:16:01.794 --> 00:16:03.696 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% And that's how most people actually operate. 00:16:03.696 --> 00:16:06.299 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% It takes great maturity to be able to look somebody in the 00:16:06.299 --> 00:16:09.902 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% eyes and go, "Hey, I love you, and this really bothered me. 00:16:09.902 --> 00:16:13.206 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% In fact, I care so much about our relationship that I had to 00:16:13.206 --> 00:16:15.174 align:start line:69% position:50% size:25% be honest. 00:16:15.174 --> 00:16:17.376 align:start line:63% position:50% size:65% If I didn't care about our relationship, I would just 00:16:17.376 --> 00:16:18.744 align:start line:69% position:48% size:33% say nothing." 00:16:18.744 --> 00:16:23.015 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% And so I think what you're doing is you're growing up. 00:16:23.015 --> 00:16:25.651 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% We can all still be--there's a little bit of middle school in 00:16:25.651 --> 00:16:28.387 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% me and a little bit of middle school in you that just kind of 00:16:28.387 --> 00:16:30.656 align:start line:69% position:47% size:53% gets nasty and petty. 00:16:30.656 --> 00:16:34.427 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% But part of growing up, I think, is us being willing to move 00:16:34.427 --> 00:16:37.964 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% towards messy conversations with grace and truth, to be able to 00:16:37.964 --> 00:16:40.933 align:start line:69% position:50% size:81% say, "Look, we are not enemies." 00:16:40.933 --> 00:16:42.969 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% And I'll leave you with this line. 00:16:42.969 --> 00:16:45.738 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% One of my friends, one time, having a really difficult 00:16:45.738 --> 00:16:50.977 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% conversation with me, he said, "Ryan, I don't wanna leave space 00:16:50.977 --> 00:16:54.680 align:start line:69% position:50% size:65% for the enemy between us." 00:16:54.680 --> 00:16:56.015 align:start line:69% position:48% size:28% Randy: Wow. 00:16:56.015 --> 00:16:57.483 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Ryan: "I don't wanna leave space for the enemy between us." 00:16:57.483 --> 00:17:01.420 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% Can you imagine what would happen to marriages if couples, 00:17:01.420 --> 00:17:04.724 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% before they fought, said, "Hey, before we get into what I did 00:17:04.724 --> 00:17:07.460 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% and you said and you did this with the kids and I didn't like 00:17:07.460 --> 00:17:11.130 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% that, before we get there, I don't want there to be space for 00:17:11.130 --> 00:17:12.598 align:start line:69% position:47% size:53% the enemy between us. 00:17:12.598 --> 00:17:15.067 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% I realize that the enemy has something that wants to separate 00:17:15.067 --> 00:17:17.136 align:start line:69% position:50% size:65% us, even in micro-moments. 00:17:17.136 --> 00:17:20.840 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Can we close that gap and invite God into this conversation?" 00:17:20.840 --> 00:17:23.576 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% Do you know how many fights wouldn't be fights if they 00:17:23.576 --> 00:17:25.511 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% started off conversations like that? 00:17:25.511 --> 00:17:27.914 align:start line:63% position:50% size:70% I think that's what it means to be able to say that we're 00:17:27.914 --> 00:17:30.816 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% willing to have a difficult conversation, but we're willing 00:17:30.816 --> 00:17:32.885 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% to invite God into that conversation. 00:17:32.885 --> 00:17:35.621 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% Blynda: It takes such great humility, which is really, when 00:17:35.621 --> 00:17:39.759 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% we're Christ followers, really, if we're both coming to each 00:17:39.759 --> 00:17:43.796 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% other in relationship as Christ followers, humility is what 00:17:43.796 --> 00:17:45.131 align:start line:69% position:48% size:38% should lead us. 00:17:45.131 --> 00:17:46.499 align:start line:69% position:48% size:43% Ryan: Absolutely. 00:17:46.499 --> 00:17:47.833 align:start line:69% position:50% size:50% Randy: So good, wow. 00:17:47.833 --> 00:17:51.437 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Okay, I can see how this would benefit me, this book, because 00:17:51.437 --> 00:17:52.772 align:start line:63% position:48% size:48% this is things we've talked about. 00:17:52.772 --> 00:17:54.373 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% Blynda: We didn't even get into--I wanted to ask the whole 00:17:54.373 --> 00:17:55.708 align:start line:69% position:50% size:50% thing on boundaries. 00:17:55.708 --> 00:17:59.445 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% There's a lot of great information in this book. 00:17:59.445 --> 00:18:02.915 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Randy: There really is, and a lot of people are gonna want it. 00:18:02.915 --> 00:18:04.951 align:start line:63% position:50% size:45% And so, let's get it in their hands. 00:18:04.951 --> 00:18:06.319 align:start line:69% position:50% size:50% Blynda: Let's do it. 00:18:06.319 --> 00:18:10.323 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Randy: Okay, so obviously you can pick up this book, "How to 00:18:10.323 --> 00:18:14.226 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Work with Complicated People" by Ryan Leak, wherever you get 00:18:14.226 --> 00:18:19.865 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% books, but we would love to send it to you today as a reminder of 00:18:19.865 --> 00:18:23.369 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% your involvement with an outreach that is very close to 00:18:23.369 --> 00:18:25.004 align:start line:69% position:48% size:28% our hearts. 00:18:25.004 --> 00:18:30.876 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% In fact, you're gonna see a situation that I have been in 00:18:30.876 --> 00:18:35.614 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% with our mission partner in the field, Isak, that changed the 00:18:35.614 --> 00:18:37.883 align:start line:69% position:48% size:43% way I see things. 00:18:37.883 --> 00:18:42.888 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% And I made that pre-decision many years ago at a very similar 00:18:42.888 --> 00:18:47.059 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% circumstance, that I was committed to helping 00:18:47.059 --> 00:18:48.527 align:start line:69% position:48% size:33% other people. 00:18:48.527 --> 00:18:54.567 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% So, watch this, and you'll see real soon how you can make that 00:18:54.567 --> 00:18:56.402 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% decision that you're gonna impact other people's lives 00:18:56.402 --> 00:18:58.604 align:start line:69% position:47% size:63% for the positive as well. 00:19:06.278 --> 00:19:11.283 align:start line:85% position:48% size:18% [music] 00:19:11.283 --> 00:19:17.189 align:start line:85% position:48% size:18% [music] 00:19:17.189 --> 00:19:21.594 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Isak Pretorius: So many times I've sat with mothers all over 00:19:21.594 --> 00:19:27.266 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Africa, many times mothers in a malnutrition clinic with a child 00:19:27.266 --> 00:19:32.371 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% who's suffering, and I've asked them what is their hope? 00:19:32.371 --> 00:19:35.441 align:start line:63% position:48% size:48% What is their dream for their child? 00:19:35.441 --> 00:19:38.811 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Most times that answer is very similar to what you would answer 00:19:38.811 --> 00:19:44.550 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% as a mother, "My hope is that my child will be healthy. 00:19:44.550 --> 00:19:50.689 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% My dream is that I'll be able to provide for my child, give them 00:19:50.689 --> 00:19:53.492 align:start line:69% position:50% size:41% what they need." 00:19:53.492 --> 00:19:59.799 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% But the reality is that across our continent right now, those 00:19:59.799 --> 00:20:04.904 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% hopes are being dashed, and those dreams are being crushed. 00:20:06.272 --> 00:20:08.274 align:start line:10% position:46% size:68% [speaking foreign language] 00:20:36.402 --> 00:20:39.238 align:start line:79% position:44% size:78% Isak: While we were not able to get here in time, we were too 00:20:39.238 --> 00:20:43.008 align:start line:79% position:50% size:70% late, but the good news is that we can be there for the 00:20:43.008 --> 00:20:44.343 align:start line:85% position:50% size:31% next mother. 00:20:44.343 --> 00:20:47.646 align:start line:79% position:45% size:73% We can be there for the child that right now is lying in a 00:20:47.646 --> 00:20:50.249 align:start line:79% position:50% size:61% malnutrition clinic fighting for their life. 00:20:50.249 --> 00:20:54.753 align:start line:79% position:50% size:75% We can be there for the child that is out in a rural village 00:20:54.753 --> 00:21:00.493 align:start line:79% position:50% size:81% with no food, but we cannot do it without you, and that's why I 00:21:00.493 --> 00:21:03.629 align:start line:79% position:45% size:73% need you to open your hearts today, and I need you to be a 00:21:03.629 --> 00:21:08.134 align:start line:79% position:44% size:78% part of restoring life to communities, of restoring hopes 00:21:08.134 --> 00:21:14.974 align:start line:79% position:50% size:81% and dreams to mothers, of giving a child the life they deserve by 00:21:14.974 --> 00:21:20.412 align:start line:79% position:50% size:61% giving them that bowl of food each and every day. 00:21:23.482 --> 00:21:27.019 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% Randy: I don't know if there's anything harder than kneeling 00:21:27.019 --> 00:21:31.023 align:start line:69% position:45% size:73% down next to a child's grave. 00:21:31.023 --> 00:21:35.594 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% Children are hit the hardest, and you know, it's overwhelming 00:21:35.594 --> 00:21:38.731 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% a little bit when you're in the field like that. 00:21:38.731 --> 00:21:43.235 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% The emotions, obviously, even the problem, because there's a 00:21:43.235 --> 00:21:46.272 align:start line:63% position:50% size:56% lot of children that are in desperate need. 00:21:46.272 --> 00:21:50.976 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% I wouldn't be able to do it, Blynda, if I didn't know that we 00:21:50.976 --> 00:21:55.080 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% have and we can continue to provide the solution. 00:21:55.080 --> 00:21:58.484 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% Blynda: You know, I think about Matthew 25, and Jesus is saying, 00:21:58.484 --> 00:22:01.253 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% "When I was hungry and you fed me, and when I was thirsty you 00:22:01.253 --> 00:22:02.588 align:start line:69% position:48% size:38% gave me drink." 00:22:02.588 --> 00:22:03.956 align:start line:63% position:50% size:56% And they say, "When did we do that, Lord?" 00:22:03.956 --> 00:22:05.291 align:start line:69% position:50% size:31% When did--?" 00:22:05.291 --> 00:22:08.194 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% and he says, "When you did it to the least of these, you did it 00:22:08.194 --> 00:22:09.562 align:start line:69% position:48% size:18% to me." 00:22:09.562 --> 00:22:14.066 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% Every time that the generosity that's welling up in you, every 00:22:14.066 --> 00:22:17.703 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% time you put action to that, you're doing it to the least of 00:22:17.703 --> 00:22:20.406 align:start line:63% position:48% size:48% these, you're doing it unto Jesus. 00:22:20.406 --> 00:22:24.476 align:start line:63% position:50% size:75% And why that's so important is because we're all, in America 00:22:24.476 --> 00:22:27.112 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% especially, you know, we just take it for granted that we can 00:22:27.112 --> 00:22:29.915 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% have food every day, that we can have drink every day, yet we 00:22:29.915 --> 00:22:32.084 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% want to make a difference in the Kingdom, and we think, "How do 00:22:32.084 --> 00:22:33.419 align:start line:69% position:48% size:28% we do that? 00:22:33.419 --> 00:22:34.787 align:start line:69% position:50% size:75% How can we make a difference?" 00:22:34.787 --> 00:22:39.191 align:start line:58% position:44% size:78% And here's an opportunity where just you giving out of just the 00:22:39.191 --> 00:22:42.761 align:start line:58% position:50% size:61% generosity of your heart literally saves a life. 00:22:42.761 --> 00:22:45.631 align:start line:63% position:50% size:41% It saves a life. 00:22:45.631 --> 00:22:49.902 align:start line:58% position:44% size:78% And we see, because we just saw the video, lives are ending 00:22:49.902 --> 00:22:51.270 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% because of lack of food. 00:22:51.270 --> 00:22:53.872 align:start line:58% position:50% size:56% It said on that video, "Hunger kills." 00:22:53.872 --> 00:22:55.207 align:start line:63% position:48% size:38% It really does. 00:22:55.207 --> 00:22:57.176 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% And yet we can stop that. 00:22:57.176 --> 00:22:58.577 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% Randy: We can, and it does. 00:22:58.577 --> 00:23:01.113 align:start line:58% position:50% size:75% And you know, it's interesting because the new gift that we 00:23:01.113 --> 00:23:06.552 align:start line:58% position:50% size:81% have, it's a book from my dad called "The Father's Heart," and 00:23:06.552 --> 00:23:11.190 align:start line:58% position:50% size:81% it's so appropriate because this is, I believe, the heart of 00:23:11.190 --> 00:23:12.558 align:start line:63% position:48% size:28% the Father. 00:23:12.558 --> 00:23:15.027 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% It's to right the wrongs. 00:23:15.027 --> 00:23:17.062 align:start line:63% position:50% size:61% It's to feed the hungry. 00:23:17.062 --> 00:23:20.999 align:start line:58% position:50% size:81% It's to express his love through his people, because if you look 00:23:20.999 --> 00:23:23.802 align:start line:58% position:50% size:70% in Scripture, God always partners with his people, as 00:23:23.802 --> 00:23:25.304 align:start line:63% position:48% size:43% flawed as we are. 00:23:25.304 --> 00:23:29.241 align:start line:58% position:45% size:73% And my dad likes to say, "God uses imperfect people to 00:23:29.241 --> 00:23:32.111 align:start line:63% position:45% size:73% accomplish his perfect will." 00:23:32.111 --> 00:23:34.346 align:start line:58% position:50% size:65% And we know from the words of Jesus, we know from the 00:23:34.346 --> 00:23:38.550 align:start line:58% position:50% size:81% Scriptures, old and new, it is his will that we are generous to 00:23:38.550 --> 00:23:41.920 align:start line:58% position:47% size:58% the poor, that we remember the forgotten. 00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:45.090 align:start line:58% position:50% size:81% And mission feeding goes in--yes, we solve that immediate 00:23:45.090 --> 00:23:49.161 align:start line:58% position:50% size:65% need by solving the hunger problem for today and for 00:23:49.161 --> 00:23:53.699 align:start line:58% position:44% size:78% tomorrow with your gift, but we also minister to these people. 00:23:53.699 --> 00:23:56.935 align:start line:58% position:47% size:63% We don't just go in and give them food and leave. 00:23:56.935 --> 00:23:58.504 align:start line:63% position:47% size:63% We tell them about Jesus. 00:23:58.504 --> 00:24:03.942 align:start line:58% position:50% size:81% We tell them we're demonstrating the love of Jesus Christ as we 00:24:03.942 --> 00:24:05.277 align:start line:63% position:50% size:21% do this. 00:24:05.277 --> 00:24:08.180 align:start line:63% position:50% size:81% So they hear it and they see it. 00:24:08.180 --> 00:24:11.050 align:start line:58% position:47% size:58% It's sharing the gospel in word and deed. 00:24:11.050 --> 00:24:13.919 align:start line:58% position:48% size:48% We're asking you to do that right now, 00:24:13.919 --> 00:24:17.256 align:start line:58% position:50% size:70% $30 will help feed 3 children for several months, 00:24:17.256 --> 00:24:19.291 align:start line:63% position:47% size:53% $50 will help feed 5, 00:24:19.291 --> 00:24:22.561 align:start line:58% position:45% size:73% $100 right now would actually help feed 10 children. 00:24:22.561 --> 00:24:25.931 align:start line:58% position:50% size:61% That's ten children that won't have to be victims 00:24:25.931 --> 00:24:28.834 align:start line:63% position:50% size:50% of we were too late. 00:24:28.834 --> 00:24:32.037 align:start line:58% position:46% size:68% Some of you can give $1,000 to help feed 100 children. 00:24:32.037 --> 00:24:34.506 align:start line:58% position:50% size:50% Some of you can give far more than that. 00:24:34.506 --> 00:24:38.811 align:start line:58% position:50% size:81% I ask you to do what God puts on your heart, because I know God's 00:24:38.811 --> 00:24:42.381 align:start line:63% position:44% size:78% heart is to help those in need. 00:24:42.381 --> 00:24:45.084 align:start line:58% position:44% size:78% And that's why it's a privilege to come to you right now and 00:24:45.084 --> 00:24:46.985 align:start line:63% position:48% size:38% say, "Join us." 00:24:46.985 --> 00:24:48.320 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% Will you join us today? 00:24:48.320 --> 00:24:50.723 align:start line:58% position:48% size:48% Will you go online or go to the phone? 00:24:50.723 --> 00:24:54.226 align:start line:63% position:46% size:68% Make the best gift you can. 00:24:54.226 --> 00:24:57.830 align:start line:58% position:50% size:75% I don't like seeing the graves of those young children, and I 00:24:57.830 --> 00:25:02.267 align:start line:58% position:45% size:73% know that with your gift and your love, we'll see far more 00:25:02.267 --> 00:25:09.475 align:start line:58% position:50% size:75% experience a hope for a future than to be buried too young. 00:25:09.475 --> 00:25:11.477 align:start line:63% position:47% size:58% Do something right now. 00:25:12.277 --> 00:25:15.547 align:start line:10% position:44% size:78% announcer: Right now across the continent of Africa, children 00:25:15.547 --> 00:25:19.785 align:start line:10% position:50% size:70% are suffering, facing severe malnutrition and even death. 00:25:19.785 --> 00:25:22.921 align:start line:10% position:45% size:73% With food reserves critically depleted and many areas 00:25:22.921 --> 00:25:27.192 align:start line:10% position:50% size:81% experiencing devastating famine, we urgently need to replenish 00:25:27.192 --> 00:25:31.196 align:start line:10% position:50% size:70% supplies to keep feeding the 350,000 children who are 00:25:31.196 --> 00:25:33.532 align:start line:10% position:50% size:81% counting on us every single day. 00:25:33.532 --> 00:25:37.236 align:start line:10% position:44% size:78% Through Life's mission feeding outreach, your gift of love can 00:25:37.236 --> 00:25:40.773 align:start line:10% position:45% size:73% be an answer to a prayer for a hurting and hungry child in 00:25:40.773 --> 00:25:42.307 align:start line:10% position:48% size:48% their time of need. 00:25:42.307 --> 00:25:47.713 align:start line:10% position:50% size:75% Call now with your life-saving gift of $30, $50, or $100 to 00:25:47.713 --> 00:25:53.652 align:start line:10% position:44% size:78% help feed and care for 3, 5, or 10 children for 3 full months. 00:25:53.652 --> 00:25:57.489 align:start line:10% position:50% size:81% With your gift we'll send you "The Father's Heart" devotional. 00:25:57.489 --> 00:26:01.160 align:start line:10% position:50% size:81% Drawing from Scripture and his past, James Robison takes you on 00:26:01.160 --> 00:26:04.830 align:start line:10% position:50% size:70% a 90-day journey to help you experience a deeper, more 00:26:04.830 --> 00:26:08.400 align:start line:10% position:50% size:65% personal relationship with God as your loving Father. 00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:10.636 align:start line:10% position:44% size:78% With your gift of $100 or more, 00:26:10.636 --> 00:26:13.071 align:start line:10% position:50% size:65% you will receive The Father's Heart bundle. 00:26:13.071 --> 00:26:16.475 align:start line:10% position:50% size:81% This stationary set, paired with the devotional, is a 00:26:16.475 --> 00:26:19.611 align:start line:10% position:50% size:81% thoughtfully-designed collection created to help you share 00:26:19.611 --> 00:26:23.449 align:start line:10% position:50% size:81% encouragement, prayer, and the love of our Heavenly Father with 00:26:23.449 --> 00:26:25.184 align:start line:10% position:47% size:53% those you care about. 00:26:25.184 --> 00:26:28.887 align:start line:10% position:44% size:78% Finally, with your gift of $1,000 or more, which will help 00:26:28.887 --> 00:26:33.392 align:start line:10% position:50% size:75% feed 100 children in desperate need, request Life's beautiful 00:26:33.392 --> 00:26:36.395 align:start line:10% position:50% size:45% bronze sculpture, The Good Shepherd. 00:26:36.395 --> 00:26:39.398 align:start line:10% position:50% size:70% So, please call, write, or make your gift online today. 00:26:42.835 --> 00:26:45.904 align:start line:10% position:46% size:68% Randy: Please do join us in this beautiful outreach. 00:26:45.904 --> 00:26:47.339 align:start line:10% position:48% size:43% It is a matter of life and death, 00:26:47.339 --> 00:26:49.374 align:start line:10% position:50% size:65% but we can give them life. 00:26:49.374 --> 00:26:51.810 align:start line:10% position:46% size:68% Go online, go to the phone, make the best gift you can. 00:26:51.810 --> 00:26:55.347 align:start line:10% position:50% size:81% And today, if you would like to request Ryan Leak's book "How to 00:26:55.347 --> 00:26:57.516 align:start line:10% position:50% size:75% Work with Complicated People," we'd love to send it to you. 00:26:57.516 --> 00:27:00.252 align:start line:10% position:47% size:58% Blynda: Or how to live, or how to pray for. 00:27:00.252 --> 00:27:02.421 align:start line:10% position:46% size:68% Any of them, you can insert your own verb there, 00:27:02.421 --> 00:27:03.822 align:start line:10% position:50% size:61% with complicated people. 00:27:03.822 --> 00:27:05.324 align:start line:10% position:47% size:63% Ryan: You're really good. 00:27:05.324 --> 00:27:06.992 align:start line:10% position:50% size:81% Randy: Where can people follow up with you if they wanna follow 00:27:06.992 --> 00:27:08.560 align:start line:10% position:50% size:31% up with you? 00:27:08.560 --> 00:27:10.195 align:start line:10% position:46% size:68% Ryan: You know, for people that want inspirational and 00:27:10.195 --> 00:27:12.097 align:start line:10% position:50% size:65% motivational content, they can go to ryanleak.com. 00:27:12.097 --> 00:27:14.233 align:start line:10% position:50% size:70% Randy: Perfect, man. Hey, thanks for stopping by. 00:27:14.233 --> 00:27:16.034 align:start line:10% position:50% size:56% Ryan: My pleasure. We should do it again. 00:27:16.034 --> 00:27:18.036 align:start line:10% position:44% size:78% Randy: And we appreciate you guys all out there stopping by. 00:27:18.036 --> 00:27:19.538 align:start line:10% position:50% size:25% Come back. 00:27:19.538 --> 00:27:20.939 align:start line:10% position:50% size:61% You can always check out lifetoday.org for all of 00:27:20.939 --> 00:27:22.307 align:start line:10% position:48% size:33% our programs. 00:27:22.307 --> 00:27:24.743 align:start line:10% position:47% size:63% We'll see you again right here on "Life Today." 00:27:26.912 --> 00:27:30.782 align:start line:10% position:48% size:38% ♪ Oh, you can't hear me cry ♪ 00:27:30.782 --> 00:27:34.520 align:start line:10% position:47% size:63% ♪ See my dreams all die ♪ 00:27:34.520 --> 00:27:38.023 align:start line:10% position:48% size:43% ♪ From where you're standing ♪ 00:27:38.023 --> 00:27:43.562 align:start line:10% position:50% size:50% ♪ On your own, it's so quiet here ♪ 00:27:43.562 --> 00:27:47.299 align:start line:10% position:50% size:56% ♪ And I feel so cold ♪ 00:27:47.299 --> 00:27:53.772 align:start line:10% position:50% size:56% ♪ This house no longer feels like home ♪ 00:27:53.772 --> 00:27:56.408 align:start line:10% position:48% size:38% ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ 00:27:56.475 --> 00:28:02.314 align:start line:10% position:50% size:41% ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪♪ 00:28:02.314 --> 00:28:06.018 align:start line:10% position:44% size:78% Jen Lilley: But somewhere along the line, they got so caught up 00:28:06.018 --> 00:28:09.221 align:start line:10% position:50% size:70% in the power and the name of Jesus that they missed him. 00:28:09.221 --> 00:28:12.558 align:start line:10% position:47% size:58% announcer: "Wake Up Your Faith," next week. 00:28:12.558 --> 00:28:14.893 align:start line:10% position:44% size:78% announcer: "Life Today" is made possible by the supporters of 00:28:14.893 --> 00:28:16.228 align:start line:10% position:50% size:70% Life Outreach International. 00:28:16.228 --> 00:28:18.330 align:start line:10% position:50% size:65% Your gift will be used exclusively for the exempt 00:28:18.330 --> 00:28:19.665 align:start line:10% position:48% size:43% purposes of Life. 00:28:19.665 --> 00:28:22.100 align:start line:10% position:50% size:75% The ministry features specific outreaches as examples of the 00:28:22.100 --> 00:28:23.602 align:start line:10% position:50% size:50% programs it supports and conducts. 00:28:23.602 --> 00:28:25.737 align:start line:10% position:45% size:73% Gifts are considered to be without restriction as to use 00:28:25.737 --> 00:28:27.472 align:start line:10% position:50% size:61% unless explicitly stipulated by the donor. 00:28:27.472 --> 00:28:29.441 align:start line:10% position:48% size:48% The ministry is a member of the ECFA.